Showing posts with label poem-n-prose. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poem-n-prose. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

and then

and she told me, she loves me in the middle of night and hung up when there was silence from my side.

i kept calling her and could not get through, for hours i dialed and she would not pick up, and finally she did, crying. in the long hours that followed we talked, about what this change would mean for our current relationship, how we would not let this tiny detail matter.

and few weeks later, i told her i loved her, again in the middle of night, sitting across to her. and again there were tears which were shed, late into the night the talk continued. we talked how this would mean change or everything, how hopeless it was for 'us', there was a path we were walking which we could walk for the time till our separate destinations take us away, that path we decided to walk hand in hand for as long as we can.

and the journey was beautiful, it was an existence in now and here, there was no future mentioned only the present lived. there were dreams and hopes but never were spoken aloud.
and the journey was over, there was a crossroad, there was a parting. some pieces inside were shattered, some memories were held closer than life. there was a healing time, in which mending was done, memories were let go. there was a reunion of sorts, the talking terms were reestablished. But there was a heartbeat that skipped on every encounter, nothing was spoken aloud.


and she told me, she loves someone else in the middle of night and hung up when there was silence from my side............

Monday, July 02, 2007

rain

in a lone remote station
i stood awaiting
the train ran late
sunlight was fading

as day turned to dark
clouds gathered above the path
still became the wind
foretelling a tale of its wrath

a crack of thunder
a blaze of lightening
behold the sound
so loud, so frightening

yet for a moment
died all the sound
down came the rain
hitting hard on the ground

fragrance of the wet soil
filled the air all around
like a sweet embrace
comfort in it i found

lost in the smell
a walk i started
drenched i became
once shelter i parted

in wind and rain
the leaves were flapping
on the beat of tiny drums
trees stood singing, dancing and clapping

joyous were the sounds
magical was the sight
calmness filled the air
cast away was fright

to wash away the filth
down poured the shower
beautiful looked everything
like petals of a new flower

sparkling clean were plants
of dirt they were free
even in such darkness
it was plain for all to see

visible now and then vanished
water fell from the sky
words fail me to explain it
a sight , my oh my

pity i felt for others
not a soul was on the road
hiding in their houses
when such gifts were bestowed

lost within a world of enchantment
for hours i strolled
through all of the wonders
forgotten , time rolled

that night i shall remember
though the time is far apart
wet, dark and cold
with a chill that warmed the heart

Sunday, June 10, 2007

stone

standing in the window looking down below on the city, a city of stone, empty and hard , unyeilding and ressilient. He has been walking down its street ever since he can remember, some times there would be storms and rain would splash all around , droplets hitting stone all around, so within this city, there is nothing made of anything but stone. sometimes he thinks that if there were other people living in this city, they would be made of stone as well, with stone hearts not flesh and blood. Sometimes he would go walk out of the stone into the clifs that looked out and below into the vast sea, he had never touched the sea, just seen how vast it was, he had seen the bird which lived on the sea, flying in distant sky that cicles the sea and lived on the air current, sometimes they circled the cliff he stood on, white a contrast to the grey sky.

In his city of stone, the sky was forever grey, always the sun shone from behind a layer of clouds. It rained in his city of stone, seldom stopping, only as if to catch its breath, now fast then slow.

Mist ruled in this city of stone , obscuring vision to anything beyond a few feet, like a veil. Limiting sight to now and here, he never did worry about what lay beyond, he never did wonder what might come.

There was no warmth in his city of stone, only cold stone,

This city of stone , he called his heart

Saturday, May 05, 2007

sleep

He woke up again sweating in the middle of the night, the alarm clock beside his bed was showing 4am. Shadows played around the room, and for a moment he tired to reach to her, to touch her hand like he always did whenever he wokeup from a nightmare, then it came back to him, there was no warm hand to touch, to take comfort from, there was no sound of soft breathing he was so accustomed to, her fragrance was not there anymore. He can no longer turn to his side and find her face smilling in her deep sleep, there was always a smile on her lips when she slept. He could no longer place his face beside her hair, taking in the smell of her, his fingers could no longer move in those curls. His nightmares were not new, him waking up at odd hours was not new, the only difference now was that once awake, he could no longer go back in his comfort zone by looking at her sleeping by his side.
He would never again see the wind playing through those hair, nor would the waves ever again fill in the small prints her feet made, the air would never again carry the perfume she loved to wear , nor would his eyes ever see her laugh at his jokes.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

lost i am

once there was respite from the struggle

a hope i had of peace and calm

illusions, visions, hallucinations

nothing was there in reality

sometimes i wish memories to fade

haunted i remain to a present of the past

a soul pricked while picking my shatered self

a wound i heal no one can tell

at nights alone i cry without sleep

the dream i dreamed i dream no more

leave me and let me be

i am but lost for now it seems

will find my path i just need my time

my future i'll build just wait and see

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

wait

The setting sun beyond the hills had left an amber glow on the clouds. The valley below was already slowly engulfing in dark. He sat by the side of the lake. Quiet as the water, water which was dark without a sun to shine on. He had already started a small fire to keep him warm in the chilly air. This wasnt his first night in this wilderness nor it would be his last he suspected. "Go there, Go alone and wait" that was all that was written on the piece of paper he had in his hand, he would take this paper out of his pokect and reread it countless times a day. Reading it once more, the neatly folded the paper and returned it to his pocket.

"Go there , Go alone and wait", all the communication he had in past few years from them, and all he get is this piece of paper with this one line. There was no mistaking the place, and the instruction to go alone was nothing suprising, but wait for what? and wait how long? why now after all these years?

This place had significance in his life, so far away from civilization, it had taken him 2 days to hike to this lake. This wasnt the first time he had spend time here, and this wasnt his first time he was without a clue as to what to expect. But still not knowing always made him restless. Taking a pack of cigarettes out and counted how many were left, he would soon run out of his supply of cigarettes he brought with him, he decided against smoking one now.

Food was plenty in this area, fish from the lake, and small rabbits in surrounding forest were easy to catch, even fruits were easy to find, and the spring for drinking water was not far from the cave he used at nights. Lifting his bottle to his lips we gulped down the last remaining water in it. He would need to get more water before he starts his dinner. Dinner today consisted of a small rabbit and he still had a can of baked beans to force it down with. After gutting the rabit and putting in on a spot to roast he picked up his bottle, pulled his shotgun over the shoulder and head out towards the spring.

Filling up his bottle it was then that he noticed the silence around him. He has lived a lifetime in woods and if to someone living in a city the forest was quiet to him it was full of noise, insects , owls even bats , a forest was more alive at night that it was in the day time. But now he could hear nothing, not even crickets. Instinctively he crept into the shadows of the trees and tried to look in all directions at once.

There was something moving just beyond the sight deeper in the forest in front of him, he caught flickers now and then, whatever it was , it was fast, as if someone was running blindly in the dark, running without care to where it would lead just to run from whatever was behind it. A few more yards and the object step out in the clearing around the spring, in moonlight he could see that it was a man, torn clothes, messed hair, the guy hadnt shaved in ages, his features were burried behind layers of dust, just hollow eyes stared out of darkness, casting a fearful glance back at the forest the man stepped into the spring , to wade accross.

Right at that time, another shadow of a man hurled itself on the man, and the two fell crashing into the spring. And then began the strangest fight he had ever seen between two men, both went at each other tearing away, snatching, both looked same to him , torn clothes, long hair, unshaved dirty faces, but now there was a glow in each mans eye, a glow that screamed murder at the other person.

Wordlessly they kept fighting , hitting, throwing, kicking, even biting if they got the chance. intensity in each mans movement reminded him of wild animals, he continued watching from his position, waiting for an outcome. Then one man managed to throw the other in the water, it was impossible to tell which was which now, the guy who was running or the one who was pursuing. As soon as the man had thrown his opponent in water he picked up a rock and started smashing it on the head of the other. If there was more light, he even from this distance would have been able to see the color changing in the water as blood mixed into it. The man kept on smashing the rock for a while and then dropped beside the now dead body , exhausted.

Alot of time passed before the man moved again and climbed out of the spring on his side of the stream. It was then that he noticed that it was the same person who came out first in the clearing. The man sat down heavily on the bank and began to examine his wounds, some were bleeding and some were just straches. There were few teeth marks on his hands as well from where the other man had been biting him.

He still stayed in his position and observed the other man. He was still deciding if he should approach the other man when the stranger got up and started dragging himself onwards towards the lake. He started to follow him slowly not letting the other person suspect he was there. The stranger changed his direction towards where the cave lay hidden from unsuspecting eye behind bushes. Reaching the bushes he took out an envelope and held it high above his head before falling down.

Rushing towards the stranger his mind were kindled by a million question, who was the stranger, why was he here in front of this cave, and why , why did he have that envelope with that symbol, that symbol which was so much tangled with his own life, was this the person he was sent to wait for ? should have he helped the person before? but how could he have known ?
When he reached the person, he was too late, the stranger was no breathing anymore, his hand still tighly gripped the envelope , there was no mistaking about it, it was the same as he had got, the same symbol, the same texture.

He forced the envelope out of his death grip, careful as not to tear it. He huridly opened it and turn it upside down. A small piece of paper fell on his lap, picking it up he noticed it was folded neatly, he opened it and in it was written one single line

"Go there, Go alone and wait"

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

now

The sound of his footsteps were muffled by the sand, though the crashing of waves on the shore would have been enough to hide his labouring walk,it was gonna be miles yet before he could stop, before he can enjoy the luxury called sleep. Sleep? it was hard to imagine sleep, his last sleep was just a fading memory in his mind. a dull red glow was on everything, moonlight itself was bleeding, or perhaprs it was the gash on his forehead pouring blood across his sight, the wound on his side weas numb, this wound never truly healed, it would open at just a small tug, now how long had it been spilling he could not recall, all his thoughts were concentrated on moving on. all he his mind was working on was another step and then another.

His feet faltered, but he pulled himself together, No not yet , NOT YET, he cannot fall now, he could have failed long time ago, he should have failed all those years ago, he had lived a life which had no meaning, no meaning till now, no meaning if he failed now either. move , move his mind kept sending this command to his body, move damit move. His time was moving with him, at a pace faster than him and he knew it, it wont take long before his time will be over, he would not fail now , he just would not.

Somewhere behind him, a shot was fired, falling the impact of the bullet, his last scream was not one from that of pain, but of agony on failing now, now it was meaningless...........

Monday, February 26, 2007

today

today i cried tears of blood
no one saw the rising flood
today i tried to get free
no one came to save me
today i hid within my soul
no one knew my heart aint whole
today i left behind my past
no one welcomed an outcast
today i breath my last breath
no one knew that i was dead
today i died in my dreams
no one heard my silent screams

Thursday, January 11, 2007

alone am i

alone am i ? know no
on memories my life now grow
on the same road i still remain
this path was mine now feels strange
which never fades so black is this night
somewhere on the way i lost my sight
a destination was something i never had
this journey i took for that im glad
i was complete if but for a while
a million lives for her just one smile
alone am i? no no

Thursday, December 07, 2006

embrace me says the dark

Looking down he could see the darkness laughing as it tore away the last remains of ligth, the dying screams of brightness died silently unheard but by his ears. and the night prevailed plunging the world in a darkness which matched his heart

Looking down he could see them smiling , laughing , and he cried , tears rolled down from his eyes , eyes which no longer had any hope , a face that no longer had a smile, looking at the ignorance he cried.

Perhaps he too was ignorant once , perhaps he too once laughed , perhaprs he too once danced and sang , perhaps , perhaps he too was Once Alive.

all around him shadows spoke ,whispering in his ears , as they always have as they always do as they always will

see me , hold me , feel me , embrace me

choking him , engulfing him , holding him

embrace me , says the dark

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

akaila

Ayear ago i was just humming some tune and i gave words to it and then in next 15 mins i wrote something which resembled a poem, my very first poem, which was in urdu, i named it "Alaika" for obvious reason, then from there i went ahead and tried to write a poem in english, just to see if i can or cannot , and the end result was a poem i named "lost".

looking back today, what strikes me as odd is that when i wrote those poems, almost a year back, i could not relate to any of the words , there was sadness and depression and pain in those poems, even though i had not felt that way then, and now these seems to express what i feel at this point in time ...maybe my mind on some level predicted and expressed , trying to warn me in vain,

i should soo totaly work on my pshycic powers :P , anyway here is akaila

Akaila......
-------------------------------
Akailaa hoon main ajj phir
sunn lay tu o bekhabir
Adhoori hai yeh saher
phir suna hai yeh shaher

sun ley phir woh dastaan
gum gaya jis main mera jahan

kho gaie woh kehkashan
mit gaya phir tera nishaan

tanhaan hai jism phir
sunn lay tu o bekhabir
tujh ko dhoonday phir meri nazar
meri sansaain hai muntazir

sun ley phir woh dastaan
gum gaya jis main mera jahan

kho gaie woh kehkashan
mit gaya phir tera nishaan

Akailaa hoon main ajj phir
sunn laay tu o bekhabir

Akailaa hoon main ajj phir

Akailaa hoon main ajj phir

Akailaa hoon

Sunday, October 29, 2006

smile

There is a sadness in my smile, which only she could see. Only her eyes could tell that im crying when others believed i was laughing. Somewhere someone decided my eyes dont have enough water and had the clouds do the shedding. Its as if i was again standing in front of her grave, looking down as the dirt was being thrown in on top of her coffin, seperating us more. That feeling of loss, after all these years, it never leaves me. Sometimes i wonder how different my life would have been if i had her with me still. I close my eyes and she whispers in my ear. Her laughter still rings in the emptiness of my life, so long ago it used to light up my day. Its as if im again holding her hands while walking down that road, when i first asked her to walk with me. I look back and i can see our foot prints behind us, never erased even after all these years.

Looking back, is when i smile and there is a sadnesss in my smile...............

Thursday, September 07, 2006

empty

the room lit for a fraction of a second, thunder followed and then the silence resumed.
darkness matched those open eyes, eyes that had shone with lightining just a momnent ago , yet eyes that were void of any life. it began to rain, soft caresses of water on the leaves, soft as her lips were once, warm and now cold. tears rolled down my eyes as leaves in autum
lighting once again illuminated her, burning the image in my memory forever. her blood covered her like embrace of a mother, gun slid down my fingers crashing to the floor

screaming inside, in silence i walked away

Saturday, January 28, 2006

fairy tales do but lie

in lonely nights i do but cry
a dream, a thought within me die
a life she deserves i cannot give
my fate it bounds oh Lord forgive
i blame the fate yet do i naught
in guilt and shame with love i fought
a princess i got, caring and loving
for all the while time stands revolving
one day i know i would be refused
a war never fought but i shall lose
will hear no bells ringing on weddings
for there are no happy endings
fairy tales do but lie

Friday, January 27, 2006

untitled

At times i wonder what went wrong
days got shorter nights went long

At times i feel i dont belong
the world a stranger, am i that strong

A life which was worthy of a song
broken, shatered, misery prolong

A life which ranged laughters gong
suffering, pain all draged along

Thursday, January 19, 2006

beyond redemption

thought i did that saved i would be
my prayers answered, and i be free
how foolish was i that i could not see
the sins were unforgiven performed by me
redemption, is not for me

cursed for life a trial i stand
shallow interior, posing grand
my youth misspent, enimity i fanned
i wont get forgiveness from His Hand
redemption, is not for me

spreading lies, performing sin
i lived a life hollow within
to hatred and laothing i givein
nothing but cruelty, a web i spin
redemption, is not for me

ashes to ashes, dust to dust
slaughter the weak, let them rust
power and wealth, all i lust
all this and more, makes the crust
redemption, is not for me

repent all i want but cant undo the past
the deeds i did are going to last
shadow of my evil is all i cast
my burdens are huge, my punishment vast
redemption, is not for me

faith i had is left but little
afterlife i dread, looms a riddle
days remaining would be but brittle
redemption, is not for me

Friday, January 06, 2006

random

Dont
-------------------

Dont leave mE
for i am scared
i felt so lonely
no one cared

Dont kill mE
eyes stared
looms darkness
doom prepared

Dont free mE
secrects unshared
words unspoken
death ensnared


Dont leave me