now

The sound of his footsteps were muffled by the sand, though the crashing of waves on the shore would have been enough to hide his labouring walk,it was gonna be miles yet before he could stop, before he can enjoy the luxury called sleep. Sleep? it was hard to imagine sleep, his last sleep was just a fading memory in his mind. a dull red glow was on everything, moonlight itself was bleeding, or perhaprs it was the gash on his forehead pouring blood across his sight, the wound on his side weas numb, this wound never truly healed, it would open at just a small tug, now how long had it been spilling he could not recall, all his thoughts were concentrated on moving on. all he his mind was working on was another step and then another.

His feet faltered, but he pulled himself together, No not yet , NOT YET, he cannot fall now, he could have failed long time ago, he should have failed all those years ago, he had lived a life which had no meaning, no meaning till now, no meaning if he failed now either. move , move his mind kept sending this command to his body, move damit move. His time was moving with him, at a pace faster than him and he knew it, it wont take long before his time will be over, he would not fail now , he just would not.

Somewhere behind him, a shot was fired, falling the impact of the bullet, his last scream was not one from that of pain, but of agony on failing now, now it was meaningless...........

monday

a glorious monday again hath come............... NOT

like being in office after one week of absence, and that too on a freaking monday to be greated by a customer meeting , waiting for you, damn it sucks to be mE right now

times funny, right now im just regretting this small meeting , when in 2 days im gonna be sitting in a steering committe meeting where the last time when we came out , the region manager turned to mE in the post meeting sitting and said " You , i want to kill"...

just last week, my short term goal was to stay awake during the training and nod on the appropriate places. the medium long goal was how what to do after the training, and the only long term goal was to get some sleep at night,

one lesson i learned from last week is that snow boarding hurts, just not the falling, but like the snow baords like heavy to drag with your feet, and going uphill while draging it , somewhere i think i dropped my foot , i later found it still attached when it became a bit warm.

So like apparently there are two stances you can take while snow boarding , Goofy and Standard, Goofy being when you have your right foot infront and standard means left. I apparrently was not doing too well with the standard stance ( brakes seemed to be failed ), so i took my friends goofy board ( like boards for both are different), so i go up, buclke myself into ti, and start goig down, half way down, my left foot decides it wants to come in front , and then the next thing i knew was that i was looking at the ceiling for some reason, they do have nice paint on it though.

8pm, what a screwup of a day, after initial meeting with customer, there was another meeting planned at 4pm with the high managment, and they buchered us out there, like i have no ducking idea what my team has been doing when i was gone the past one week, and i have noooooooooooooo hint why the heck did they change the project plan that i submitted , as in whole redesign on numbers not just dates and im there sitting defending a screwup of a plan i dont half recognize, and half the things my manager dont know or dont understand and has made commitments on them, like hellooooo please give me a call and just tell me this im gonna do, how hard is that ? youve been bugging mE on little matters throughout anyway, not like you dont know my number of anythingy

9pm, and i was looking for a nice runaway time,

Its raining outside and i can hear the drops falling, each drop falling on pavement and trees outside has a certain charm to it , i can see semi visible drops in the street light , its like as if the sound is calling out to me to be free but im stuck here.


10pm : Ok its enough for now , i be go home ,

10 Thingies i wanna do before i die

ok so this is a "tag", for the uneducated as mE, let me explain what a "tag" is.
suppossidly kids these days enjoy creating weird lists and making others fill it to their hearts desires thourgh their blogs. one such list is this, to list down 10 things i wanna do before i die,

some of you might think why 10? well the answer might be that 10 is a divine number or that when a person counts 10 thingies a few of them come true (mostly odd divided by prime into even numbers out of the 10 work ), but the right answer to the question would be .... "Cause i said so" , i obviously being the person who created the list in the first place. Hence 10 is the number we play with for now

Ok so lets begin , count down from 10 to 1 begins, im assuming its about the thingies i still wanna do, not those that i always wanted to do but did already,

10- On number 10 we have .......
time out, wait, are we supposed to introduce the contestants or not ? like do we say here is this and this and the thing then introz itself ? or we just plain right list the thing? my bet would be on listing it , cause the thingy is in actuality a non-living element aint it ?
how will somethingy which cant speak tell us about it self ? so lets just start with the top again shall we ......

10- Learn Japanese, watching anime with only subtile is good , but i wanna be able to understand em more clearly ... Some of you might think "na'ni?" , (meaning "What ?" ), well to answer those , thy should start watching anime

9- Own a bloody bugati veron, and i dont care bythat time the cars are actually flying and there are no roads to run it on, but i want one , someday

8- Make one revolutionary invention, just for the heck of it

7- To again go to Lake Upper Kachura, Skardu, Pakistan, and re-swim in it, just to be able to get over my fear of swimming in unknown depth lakes, that started from that very lake. (na'ni? , ahem , i mean, what? you never got scared of swiming in a lake whose water is unclear & depth unknown and there is just you in the freaking middle of it inside water and wondering whose bright idea was this in the first place ? )

6- Take my guitar out of its box again and finished atleast learning all the chords , damn there is alot of dust on that case

5- To be able to read my handwrittings after months of writting it and be able to know what i was writing about,

4- That ppl in whose life i was, remember me with fond memories not of hate or fear
3- Be able to say when i die that i did not compromise my integrity
2- Be able to say when i die that i have no regrets in life
1- To be on the right path before i die, offering my prayers regularly.

If i get to have the last 4 , then i have lived as one should

begining

In another news, I have atlast been able to move beyond my mental block which was prohibiting me from offering my prayers, after such a long time i have finally been able to pledge myself to return to this path, the true path

May i be granted the guidance and understanding to remain steady on this path - Ameen

flame

Flame of the lamp flickered against the strong wind, diminutive now and then stable, each passign moment, fighting to survive. The flame was life, there was no light but that of the flame, the rest was darkness. the waves rose and smashed against the shore, again rising and again breaking on rocks. The waves were wishes, reality was shore. Each tide brought a change of pattern of sands, now one then another. The pattern was attempts, meeting harsh restructuring from life.

No matter how resilient is the flame, one day the wind will win , Today is not that day, Today the flame is alight. Today there is light

today

today i cried tears of blood
no one saw the rising flood
today i tried to get free
no one came to save me
today i hid within my soul
no one knew my heart aint whole
today i left behind my past
no one welcomed an outcast
today i breath my last breath
no one knew that i was dead
today i died in my dreams
no one heard my silent screams

another friday

yes another friday evening, and im here sitting and looking at time displayed on my screen, almost 5pm it says , in an hour i will be chairing a conference call, an hour from that i would be free , just 2 more hours, damn im sleepy

5:30pm, my table starts vibrating, its a call, numbers unknown to mE
mE : "hello "
girl : " hi, im speaking in refrence from your friend , he told me you were thinking of selling your camera , the D50"
mE : " oh yea, i am thinking of buying D200 and sell my D50 "
girl : " so how much is your demand "
mE : " hmm havent decided really, dont know, never thought about how much i would sell it for "
girl : " so you would ask how much? "
mE : " lets ask how much your willing to give ? "
girl : " oh well i went and saw a D70 second hand in market for 17k so like how about i offer you 15k ?"
mE : "15?"
girl : " yes 15"
mE " err"
silence
girl : "i am doing photography majors, your camera would be used well "
silence
mE : " kinda , i have a 18-200mm lens on it as well, "
girl : " thats nice, so you gona give the lense ? "
mE : " Well , kinda the lens itself is around 18k on its own "
girl : " oh"
silence
mE : " err "
silence again
mE : " i think i would let you know if i decide to sell at that price, lemme think about it "
girl : " oh ok"
mE : " i would not be selling the lens"
girl : " oh ok"
mE : " err , take care then, bye "
girl : "bye"

6:oopm, conference call time, huh ? wait a sec, who the heck took the landline speaker phone from my desk????
6:15pm, "Hi everyone , sorry for joining late, we had some technical difficulties in joining the call " ( someone took the bloody phone and i had to search for 15 mins to find the culprit)

7:00 " Thanks for joining the call, are there any questions at this time ? "
silence
"if no.." , intruption " oh i have a question, will you be joining the shipments status call in half an hour , we need to ask a few questions from you"
mE : " yes sure i would be joining " ( ofcourse i was NOT thinking of running away no i was not )

and now im looking at the time again, it says 9pm, i was supposed to be free an hour ago, darn these firday evenings

12:46am .... can someone tell me what im doing in office still ?

schumacher

and looks like someone took the topic of last post to heart upthere and tried to grant me my request. So who ever it was, dont take things seriously on this page...do not forget the post label on it please....

so the day started with me dragging myself out of bed to get ready and get to a meeting at 11, called my driver at 10 , who arrived at 10:45 and we left to office, and as soon as we were on the main road i saw the truck in front of me approach at alarmingly high speed as we banged into it.

the next thingy i knew was that i had my head ringing from hiting the windscreen and there was a acute pain in my neck, the bonet had folded on itself and schumacher was scratching his head in disbelief on the driver seat as i was holding mine in both hands to make sure i had it on still. (teaches me to trying to tie a knot in my tie without a seat belt).

so thus mr schumacher ( he is really called that by our forigen expats who refuse to travel with him ), got out and started staring in disbelif at his handy work because apparently in his attempt to overtake the car next to us and not letting it get ahead of us, he somehow managed to overlook a tiny detail, which was a truck motionless right in front with its brake lights on ( yes seriously a truck with brake lights on in day time, like how abnormal is that, i should have known the omens were not right by just looking at that in the first place).

so by the time the other called came to pic me up, i was about to sleep, and then when i reached office , it was revealed that the meeting was on hold because they were waiting for me to arrive , how toughtful, like really, comeon , get over with the meeting already but noooooo they were kind enough to wait.

and after a 2 hour meeting , i think im begining to have a headache and its just 2.... long day ahead.

P.S schumacher is currently at the rental office getting a replacement car so that he can drop me home in the evening

kill me

and here again i find myself sitting on my desk and figthing off sleep, 10am is too early to wake up specially when you slept at 6am. I had blood shot eyes for 2 hours after waking up.

dont you just hate working on a friday evening, knowing that after these cursed few hours you will be freee, freeeeeeeeeeeeeee for the next 2 days when you can sleep till 3pm and you wont have like 20 missed calls and around 30+ texts asking where the heck were you.

and its time like these when you really want to strangle few ppl when they insist on having a meeting on a friday evening, and then there are those who call you up to tell you that they got delayed coming to city due to rain and will be an hour late so the meeting would be shifted from 6 to 7pm. LIKE SERIOUSLY??? are you kidding me ? sadly they arent. And then there are the damned conference calls, like helloooo its 10pm here at my side when you decide to wake up at your part of the world and check your emails.

just few more hours and i can go home and sleep, but i know when i go home i wont be able to sleep, cause i start waking up by 6pm and by 9 im fully awake.

i didnt use to be like this, i still remember a time when i would sleep early, around 1am or 2am, not just a year ago, i would make to office even on 9am meetings then, i dont remember the exact time when its started going haywired, now i cant sleep at all until exhaustion takes me, be it 5 or 6 am, its amazing how far you shatter in such a small time and little you recover in such a long time

did i mention i hate fridays ? and mondays and tuesdays and wendenesdays and thursdays

morning

i hate mornings, i hate waking up in the morning, i would rather not sleep the whole night to be at a 10am meeting, who the heck decides to have the meeting at 10am? like really ? dont they sleep ? like seriously. i think i can make 11am at times.

the whole 9 to 5 system is flawed, nothingy gets done before 12 anyway, no matter what you do, there would be chit chat breaks and coffee breaks and blah blah and serious work would not start till 12. so why not change, 12 to 8 is the best office timings, like imagine you get to office by 12, start work, and since we usually sit in office by 9 or 10 anyway regardless you started at 10 or 12 in the morning.

And then you go home spend time with family, go out eat , enjoy. you have till 3am to do that, imagine the increased productivity each day.

there is still time to mend the vicious cycle of 9 to 5.