can you take me higher

I'm still having troubles sleeping at night, and even bigger trouble waking up in the morning. I dont sleep good at nights and i cant sleep in day, so basically im screwed.


Im nocturnal, there was a time when i would have been awake all night and sleep only in the day, but that time was in my holidays after my fsc, and then there was a time when i would sleep just 28 hours in a day if given a chance, but that time is also long gone, that was the 4 years of my graduate studies. Then there was a time when i stayed awake 7 days in a row, again that time is also bygone it was the last week of my final year project submission. i still remember those coffee mugs, which started from 4 a day and ended at 15, but that is a story for another time.


And then there was another phase, where i slept for just 2 or 3 hours a day for months and months. This phase is not just a one time occurrence, i have been subjected to those time and again. And then there was a routine when my mind would feel sleepy when it sees 3am on the clock ticking away on the wall. Before 3am it would not be possible to atleast feel a tiny bit of sleep. But i would sleep peacefully afterwords.

and then there was a time when i was working in field where there would be long days which would stretch to 36 to 48 hours , where your travelling from site to site working meeting deadlines. But after your part of the work was done you would sleep. Sometimes in the car, or sometimes taking packing of equipment and sleeping on the floor. Sometimes we would sleep on site waiting for equipment , or connectivity or something similar before we can start the work. Never did we let pass any opportunity to sleep

and later on, there came a time when i no longer went to the field but instead sent others, in mornings you would make plans face customer and send guys to the field and do the job, and then at night you will be awake once more as the guys would be calling you up and informing the progress or problems, seeking advice on issues. And once a particular persons job was done , he would sleep, but not i, as there is always someone in the field keeping you awake.

Yet the one i mentioned on top above, not sleeping good isnt new, but not related to long gone past. I have been sleeping bad for the past 1 year now or perhaps more. I sleep when im exhausted utterly and then i wake up for work in the morning. yet this sleep is not sleep, there is no blissful blackout of the mind, there is no rest , my body still aches when i wake up, my eyes still burn. There is no time when my senses are lost, im aware when dark turns to light outside, when a car passes outside on the street, when ppl move around in the house downstairs. im asleep yet i am not.


i am tired. i want to sleep , where my mind dont know what is happening outside, when my body dont feel like its been dragged through the city.

Perhaps i should try taking up getting high or somethingy.....