in lonely nights i do but cry
a dream, a thought within me die
a life she deserves i cannot give
my fate it bounds oh Lord forgive
i blame the fate yet do i naught
in guilt and shame with love i fought
a princess i got, caring and loving
for all the while time stands revolving
one day i know i would be refused
a war never fought but i shall lose
will hear no bells ringing on weddings
for there are no happy endings
fairy tales do but lie
At times i wonder what went wrong
days got shorter nights went long
At times i feel i dont belong
the world a stranger, am i that strong
A life which was worthy of a song
broken, shatered, misery prolong
A life which ranged laughters gong
suffering, pain all draged along
thought i did that saved i would be
my prayers answered, and i be free
how foolish was i that i could not see
the sins were unforgiven performed by me
redemption, is not for me
cursed for life a trial i stand
shallow interior, posing grand
my youth misspent, enimity i fanned
i wont get forgiveness from His Hand
redemption, is not for me
spreading lies, performing sin
i lived a life hollow within
to hatred and laothing i givein
nothing but cruelty, a web i spin
redemption, is not for me
ashes to ashes, dust to dust
slaughter the weak, let them rust
power and wealth, all i lust
all this and more, makes the crust
redemption, is not for me
repent all i want but cant undo the past
the deeds i did are going to last
shadow of my evil is all i cast
my burdens are huge, my punishment vast
redemption, is not for me
faith i had is left but little
afterlife i dread, looms a riddle
days remaining would be but brittle
redemption, is not for me
Its sunday and today my Eid holidays end. With it comes an end to the last Eid in this house.
The home which was always there ever since i can remember, the home in which there are so many memories , so many events, so many deaths, so many weddings is no longer going to be here comes this may.
This home belongs or belonged to my grandfather on my fathers side. Where ever we were posted, this home was always there to come on eid's, this was always the permenent home adress. My passport, my NIC, my drivers license, all my bank information, each and every legal document i have, has this address as my permenat address.
Its an extremly old building, more than 150 years old now, waznt always is my familys pocession, but its been in ours long enough to see 4 generations here, i being the 3rd.
High roof, 15ft at some rooms to 20ft at the others, wide walls 6ft. old wooded doors and ceilings even a wooden floor in the drawing room, huge rooms wide lawn, garden, veranda, trees and greenry, the whole are no longer ours, we are now just but living in a land which is now owned by someone else.
its not time yet to say good bye to this house yet... but it was the last eid we will ever see in this house nonetheless, no the last we see in this HOME ....it is home and will always remain home even when its gone
Dont
-------------------
Dont leave mE
for i am scared
i felt so lonely
no one cared
Dont kill mE
eyes stared
looms darkness
doom prepared
Dont free mE
secrects unshared
words unspoken
death ensnared
Dont leave me
An hour before 2005 is gone and 2006 comes in i recieve a call
The calling person is crying on the other end.. "Azhar bhai, they died, they both are dead....... "
A team of mine returning from late night activity along with the customers persons. My team was somewhere 25 mins behind the other car, they reached the main highway near Sahiwal and saw that there is Highway police present and seems like there has been an accident, they decided to look if there is anything they can do to help. Turns out its the other car in their small convoy of two. The driver and technician both died on spot.
For a lousy target which the customer wanted to achive in the parting year two of their persons now will never see another day , let alone the new year.
Just shows us that how fragile this whole thing is and how much overrated this life is...
Right now its 2 mins to new year, ppl are preparing to celebrate, i dont know even if the familes of those 2 know what has befallen them both, i only informed their manager, maybe their families are also preparing to celebrate and are trying to call them on their cells , to know when they will be home so they can celebrate the new year together
And here comes new year... wonder why aint i thrilled
Has all of our future been written already before we are born or do we make our own destiny? Or is it fate that governs our life ?
Many ppl consider fate and destiny to be one and the same, they talk as if their fate is their destiny. its pretty interesting to see the difference in the two though
One can callhis Destiny his aim or goal that he has come in life to achive. Its the need to do something so it will lead us to our goal, many believe our destiny is the aims we make before coming to life. Where upon coming to life we dont really remember that aim but our actions and events all take us towards that destination which we call destiny.
if we went on about fulfilling our destiny fate would not exist. Its believed in astrology that each person has its guiding star, that star is there to keep us on the right track when we lose sight of our unkown yet known aim , The Destiny. And this guardian force is called fate. Since the destiny is hidden and we dont remember the aims we strived for before starting our journey of life, we tend to lose sight of it and we sooner or later stray from the path.
Here , at these times fate intervenes, to knock us right back to our path. Some call it the friendly nudge in the right direction. But those of us who have gotton that particular nudge would feel its not that friendly at all, its sometimes cruel and merciless, its sometimes harsh and bitter, it sometimes breaks our hearts and yet in another situation it sometimes unkind.
But its all for the greater good they say. and what is that greater good if we talk in terms of the two above? its destiny , our goal in life we want to achive.
And to above all that i have but this to say.....NO DARNED WAY
If i accept the above i am negating my choice of free will. They say finding ones destiny is ones own reponsibility, and fate is but an agent of our destiny. I say why not forge a destiny i want, I am given the choice of free will not because i would accept whats done to me as is ,
I will choose my own paths and make my own decision. Let the fate come with full wrath to bend my will.
I was given Free will. I WILL MAKE my OWN Choices
