martyr

so ive been not blogging lately, have been very busy, and somehow dettached from my surroundings , i mean im participating in things and working and all that but somehow my mind aint there, im drifting somewhere deep in myself.
normaly i dont take tension of work, im known as the most cool minded person in office , no ones sees me aggravated on any work related issue but these past 3 weeks specially ive been very tense, even admitting it to myself is hard. im so mentally screwed and then office politics against me , its finanzial year and and i am suupsoe to get a raise, somehow my work is being demeaned, not being paranoid , and like to top it off things have been going horribly bad as well, things on which i dont have any control, and somethings i didnt pay much attention in the past have now come back to haunt me cause the person who i thought would do it didnt do it , but since its my responsibility, thus im the one who is screwed.
the last annual leave i took was in 2004, whole of 2005 and 2006 i did not get time to take off, being a project manager for the first time and trying to prove a point to others in company who raised their eyebrows when i was appointed, perhaps i was the youngest in this organization to get to be a project manager of such a high visibility project, a project that was the first in the world of its kind,
anyway, so holidays, on top of my own work i am to handle additional load as the guy who was doing the program managers tasts is on leave, sine the program manager has no clue what so ever how to run things, that part too i have to take care of for the next 3 weeks more. And thus for another 3 weeks i cannot take a leave or wont get one
and when i started this post i thought i would just write a few lines and then close it off and get some sleep, or try atleast, cause apparently that is another thingy that i am not getting much lately, each night i literally say this " wtf its 3am again " . guess i would say that in like 20 mins time from now .
taday was a good day, after such a long time i have been mentally relased for some reason, i dont know the reason cause there is nothingy wrong between yesterday and today, or any previous day in the last 3 weeks, same work load, same issues, same no help from someone who can help but wont for some reason, all is the same yet i am relaxed today
i will cutt of this post here, otherwise it would go on and on and on ...
im soon gonna be wasted in the line of duty