schumacher

and looks like someone took the topic of last post to heart upthere and tried to grant me my request. So who ever it was, dont take things seriously on this page...do not forget the post label on it please....

so the day started with me dragging myself out of bed to get ready and get to a meeting at 11, called my driver at 10 , who arrived at 10:45 and we left to office, and as soon as we were on the main road i saw the truck in front of me approach at alarmingly high speed as we banged into it.

the next thingy i knew was that i had my head ringing from hiting the windscreen and there was a acute pain in my neck, the bonet had folded on itself and schumacher was scratching his head in disbelief on the driver seat as i was holding mine in both hands to make sure i had it on still. (teaches me to trying to tie a knot in my tie without a seat belt).

so thus mr schumacher ( he is really called that by our forigen expats who refuse to travel with him ), got out and started staring in disbelif at his handy work because apparently in his attempt to overtake the car next to us and not letting it get ahead of us, he somehow managed to overlook a tiny detail, which was a truck motionless right in front with its brake lights on ( yes seriously a truck with brake lights on in day time, like how abnormal is that, i should have known the omens were not right by just looking at that in the first place).

so by the time the other called came to pic me up, i was about to sleep, and then when i reached office , it was revealed that the meeting was on hold because they were waiting for me to arrive , how toughtful, like really, comeon , get over with the meeting already but noooooo they were kind enough to wait.

and after a 2 hour meeting , i think im begining to have a headache and its just 2.... long day ahead.

P.S schumacher is currently at the rental office getting a replacement car so that he can drop me home in the evening

kill me

and here again i find myself sitting on my desk and figthing off sleep, 10am is too early to wake up specially when you slept at 6am. I had blood shot eyes for 2 hours after waking up.

dont you just hate working on a friday evening, knowing that after these cursed few hours you will be freee, freeeeeeeeeeeeeee for the next 2 days when you can sleep till 3pm and you wont have like 20 missed calls and around 30+ texts asking where the heck were you.

and its time like these when you really want to strangle few ppl when they insist on having a meeting on a friday evening, and then there are those who call you up to tell you that they got delayed coming to city due to rain and will be an hour late so the meeting would be shifted from 6 to 7pm. LIKE SERIOUSLY??? are you kidding me ? sadly they arent. And then there are the damned conference calls, like helloooo its 10pm here at my side when you decide to wake up at your part of the world and check your emails.

just few more hours and i can go home and sleep, but i know when i go home i wont be able to sleep, cause i start waking up by 6pm and by 9 im fully awake.

i didnt use to be like this, i still remember a time when i would sleep early, around 1am or 2am, not just a year ago, i would make to office even on 9am meetings then, i dont remember the exact time when its started going haywired, now i cant sleep at all until exhaustion takes me, be it 5 or 6 am, its amazing how far you shatter in such a small time and little you recover in such a long time

did i mention i hate fridays ? and mondays and tuesdays and wendenesdays and thursdays

morning

i hate mornings, i hate waking up in the morning, i would rather not sleep the whole night to be at a 10am meeting, who the heck decides to have the meeting at 10am? like really ? dont they sleep ? like seriously. i think i can make 11am at times.

the whole 9 to 5 system is flawed, nothingy gets done before 12 anyway, no matter what you do, there would be chit chat breaks and coffee breaks and blah blah and serious work would not start till 12. so why not change, 12 to 8 is the best office timings, like imagine you get to office by 12, start work, and since we usually sit in office by 9 or 10 anyway regardless you started at 10 or 12 in the morning.

And then you go home spend time with family, go out eat , enjoy. you have till 3am to do that, imagine the increased productivity each day.

there is still time to mend the vicious cycle of 9 to 5.

random

Somethings are not ment to be, and we pursue them till we miss other things in life that we could have achived and maybe we would have been living some different life. The things we run after sooner or later run away from us.

follow me now to a past filled with emptyness and a present empty of fulfillments.

We at times get the things we wanted, yet when we have them in hand we find out that it has lost the meaning for which we wanted it in the first place. That now our priorities have changed or there is no one standing next to me whom i wanted to show this thing at a given time.

follow me now to a heart devoid of feelings and of feelings gone numb.

We make so many plans for a future we wish for, so confident so proud of our achivements so sure of our plans. Yet the road we walk at times vanish from beneath our feet and we fall, we fall.

follow me now to a place built on sorrow yet a place of no regrets

I have no regrets, i would never sit and wonder what if.. and i would do all this again if given a chance, ALL again

life

and it was just 3 days that i had burried my grandfather that i found myself again standing at an open grave and throwing shovels down to seperate another loved one from us forever

My Phuppi passed away on 25th, Jan 2007, May Allah bless her soul

she had sugar and heart problems and what not, atleast now her suffering is over, This is what she asked everyone to pray for "Pray that Allah ends my suffering" , and Allah listened to that pray.


Phuppo everyone misses you already

another loss

my grandfather passed away on 21st Januray 2007.

I could still feel his faint pulse as i held his hand, while others were trying to revive him, and then all of a sudden there was no pulse, his hand was still warm within mine when i had to make the first call to inform others of the loss.

Its never easy calling up someone and telling them what has happened, especially when its your mother or aunt miles away and you have to inform them that their father has left us for ever,

and then past 2 days have been a blur, so many ppl in the house, chaos, ppl crying and then the funeral itself , the time when you have to lay them in the grave and then they close it up and you just stand there and feel how utterly helpless a human being is.

After returning from the gravyard , i went to his empty room, and just sat there, and my eldest khala came and asked , "chorr aye" , and thats when i lost it, and i cried and i cried i dont know for how long ...

i will miss him, everyday when i go downstairs to leave for office , i will pass by his now empty room, everynight when i will come back, there wont be anyone still awake in his bed waiting for me to return, no one will call me to ask me where i was and when i would be coming back if i ever ran late at nights.

oh i will miss him.... i will

alone am i

alone am i ? know no
on memories my life now grow
on the same road i still remain
this path was mine now feels strange
which never fades so black is this night
somewhere on the way i lost my sight
a destination was something i never had
this journey i took for that im glad
i was complete if but for a while
a million lives for her just one smile
alone am i? no no

embrace me says the dark

Looking down he could see the darkness laughing as it tore away the last remains of ligth, the dying screams of brightness died silently unheard but by his ears. and the night prevailed plunging the world in a darkness which matched his heart

Looking down he could see them smiling , laughing , and he cried , tears rolled down from his eyes , eyes which no longer had any hope , a face that no longer had a smile, looking at the ignorance he cried.

Perhaps he too was ignorant once , perhaps he too once laughed , perhaprs he too once danced and sang , perhaps , perhaps he too was Once Alive.

all around him shadows spoke ,whispering in his ears , as they always have as they always do as they always will

see me , hold me , feel me , embrace me

choking him , engulfing him , holding him

embrace me , says the dark

akaila

Ayear ago i was just humming some tune and i gave words to it and then in next 15 mins i wrote something which resembled a poem, my very first poem, which was in urdu, i named it "Alaika" for obvious reason, then from there i went ahead and tried to write a poem in english, just to see if i can or cannot , and the end result was a poem i named "lost".

looking back today, what strikes me as odd is that when i wrote those poems, almost a year back, i could not relate to any of the words , there was sadness and depression and pain in those poems, even though i had not felt that way then, and now these seems to express what i feel at this point in time ...maybe my mind on some level predicted and expressed , trying to warn me in vain,

i should soo totaly work on my pshycic powers :P , anyway here is akaila

Akaila......
-------------------------------
Akailaa hoon main ajj phir
sunn lay tu o bekhabir
Adhoori hai yeh saher
phir suna hai yeh shaher

sun ley phir woh dastaan
gum gaya jis main mera jahan

kho gaie woh kehkashan
mit gaya phir tera nishaan

tanhaan hai jism phir
sunn lay tu o bekhabir
tujh ko dhoonday phir meri nazar
meri sansaain hai muntazir

sun ley phir woh dastaan
gum gaya jis main mera jahan

kho gaie woh kehkashan
mit gaya phir tera nishaan

Akailaa hoon main ajj phir
sunn laay tu o bekhabir

Akailaa hoon main ajj phir

Akailaa hoon main ajj phir

Akailaa hoon

mad world

All around me are familiar faces,
Worn out places,
Worn out faces,

Bright and early for the daily races,
Going nowhere,
Going nowhere,
Their tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression,
No expression,

Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow,
No tomorrow,

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,


been listening to this song over and over lately, these lyrics just struck such a cord to me , the music is slow and soft , unlike my usual genre

i seem to be hooked on this line, the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever had, somehow it screams out to me , defining me , telling me , surrounding me

to take a path down a road that you have has no destination , yet you walk , walk for the walk , walk for the company you have for time being , you walk blind , oblivious that the path ended somewhere you want to walk on air and fall

time to find the scattered pieces and gather myself